left to my own devices

On Saturday Ashley left for Baltimore on a well-deserved vacation. She's visiting her sister and enjoying being "auntie" to her two beautiful nieces.

You know what they say, "when the cat is away the mice will play." In my case - that means a trip to the grocery store without fear of reproval!

Not that Ashley monitors my diet at all. Nor does she stifle me from expressing myself creatively via my love of food. But since she's gone for a week, my trip to the grocery store took on a whole new meaning. I could get whatever I want. The prospect was almost too good to be true.

It reminds me of those "sweepstakes" Kids R Us used to advertise... something to the effect of "five minutes to grab any and all toys you can get to the check out." Five minutes, alone in a toy store. I think they advertised that on the television or it was a grand prize for Double Dare - and every time I heard the commercial the concept completely captivated me. I've never really felt like I had that strong of an imagination, but in those moments I know I was completely incapacitated in a greed-coma. Paralyzed with thoughts of rabidly throwing toys into the cart like a junky in pursuit of their next fix.

Anyways, I've always liked the idea of being left to your own devices, as I've blogged on the topic before.

So here is a report of the aftermath:
A gallon of Tropicana Orange Juice
Two pints of chocolate milk
Bag of salt & vinegar chips
Packet of van de camps hoagie rolls
Gallon of Moose tracks ice cream
Deli cut turkey
Sliced medium cheddar cheese
Frozen Pizzas (haven't bought these in like four years, no joke)
An individual slice of "Louisiana crunch" pudding cake.

All in all, not too bad right? Some of those things I probably wouldn't buy under Ashley's supervision. Frozen pizzas, nope. The hoagie buns, no way - she'd find better ones. Two chocolate milks - forget about it. Just one. Again, not that Ashley is the food getstapo, it's just the "editing" influence your spouse has on your consumer habits. I mean, that's why they are called "your better half" right?

Left to your own devices - what kind of stuff would you buy in a ravenous frenzy of self indulgence?


abby said...

I did this back in July when I was sick. I was feeling sorry for myself and just went crazy in Target. I came back with Ben & Jerry's (which I never buy), fruity flavored waters (I was sick after all), cheese flavored pretzels which tasted better than they sound, a lean cuisine, and a bunch of salty foods. I don't buy a lot of processed food but I went overboard that day.

Sarah said...

How you so amuse me with your posts . . . love them! You really could call me "a fan". I know that's so sad and pathetic sounding, but I'll wear that title proudly because well, you're funny. I even read your old posts about "being left to your own devices" and I found that hilarious too. I stopped cursing when I had children because I was afraid I would slip and they would repeat after me. Now, since having had children I have cursed at my husband maybe three times in 3 years. That's not bad. Not bad at all. I think only one of them was in front of my children but it was a really bad swear word. Oh well. My daughter only sounds like she's saying it when she says the word, "Frog". Oh, and, you made me hungry looking at all that yummy food in your picture. That's my kind of food!

david said...

abby - i think the lean cuisine is the funniest purchase of the lot.

sarah - what can i say? thank you for your kind words. while you may never be the kind of fan like that one guy from finland (?) who wrote you fan mail, you'll always be appreciated.

re: cursing.

i accidentally locked myself out of our new place and the first words were: "oh sh*t"

(sorry honey)

i got back in, but i won't tell you how in case some one out there is blog-stalking me in preparation for "real time" stalking me, in which case divulging my break in method would only serve to facilitate the downward spiral their empty life.

Scarlett said...

I usually do the grocery shopping by myself anyway, and when Dave and I shop together there really isn't editing of someone else's choices; we just spend more.

That said, if I was shopping by myself and knew no one would be home but me for a week, I think I'd just buy less. I wouldn't have to bother with cereal, cottage cheese, or anything I don't eat myself. So I guess I'd be left with twizzlers, butter, Ben and Jerrys, and a bag of apples.

Blythe said...

Oh, that was me...not Scarlett.

david said...

that would've been awesome if it was scarlett, speaking so matter of factly about grocery shopping, and referring to her father as dave.

blythe, of the list you just mentioned, why buy butter when it goes with nothing else?

i honestly hope you eat more stuff than that.

although, maybe you have a similar palate to me when i was 4, and i ate a stick of butter underneath the kitchen table.

clyde said...

So is the OJ with or without PULP. I love the heavy pulp in a good glass of OJ. The single slice of pie... Or your little slice of heaven? Frozen pizza is kind of like a pot-luck- sometimes it's good sometimes it's...

Anyways I'll be pulling the same stunts basically all of November as Mik'L will be in Arizona, Texas and Florida working with her dad.

"Brake out the champagne glasses and **&(ing (*^&^s"

Craig said...

Ritz Crackers
Whipped Cream Cheese
Sliced Salami

When I shop and eat with no restraint I get these and I eat them until I puke.

So fricking good.

meghann said...

Dude, my sister used to eat sticks of butter. We thought she was so weird. Turns out you're weird just like her! Seriously though is that a sign of malnutrition or calorie depraval? It doesn't seem quite right does it?

You shop like my dad when my mom is out of town, but with less hot dogs.

Dawn D. Lion said...

I'd probably get stuff that the rest of my family doesn't like. Sweet potatoes, zucchini, goat milk, molasses. Yeah, I know I'm weird.
Actually I had a moment like that yesterday when I was shopping alone and I had a coupon for $1 off two pints of Ben and Jerrys. Not one but two for me to pick, all by myself, without Maxine shouting out a request. I felt very kid in a candy store-ish.
The result was oatmeal cookie chunk and Vermonty Python.

Alison said...

see, Eric wouldn't even go to the grocery store. It would be burger king, taco bell, and then some more burger king. I applaud your barely healthy choices.

Jonah said...

Let me guess… you downed one chocolate-milk and half the bag of chips before you even got home… A pizza and a slice of pie (ala mode) for dinner… yogurt and OJ for breakfast… turkey and cheese on hoagie rolls for lunch… another pizza with ice cream for dinner… you’re probably still saving that last chocolate milk for a tgif… but it looks like you’re going to need to head back to the grocery store pretty soon if you want anything to eat tonight… ???

Blythe said...

The butter would be for the bagels, but I wouldn't buy bagels at the grocery store. I was limiting myself to what I would buy at the grocery store.

I will add expensive cheese and crackers. I wish I'd bought some today.

Also wondering...why Tony's pizza? Why not something better, like Stoeffer's french bread pizza, or even Freschetta?

Liz said...

I think left to my own devices I would buy wheat thins and cottage cheese. Dipping those crackers in the cottage cheese is the most delicious thing to me for some reason. I used to eat an entire box for dinner when I lived with your wife. I have since decided that this is not a good dietary move, so now I just don't buy either. I love them too much. Same thing with cereal. When left to my own devices I would eat 7 bowls in one sitting. So I just never buy cereal. Sad huh.

Ryan said...

Reminds me of our days trucking down Arapahoe to King Soopers. I think my shopping receipt looked a little uglier than yours, however.

david said...

jonah - you nailed it. i actually always chug the chocolate milk as soon as i get into the car.

however - after stepping on the scale i've noticed i'm packing on a few more lbs than i'd like to be right now, so i have to go weight loss beserker right now.

that means no pizzas for me. i can't control myself, if i make it, i could easily eat the whole thing instead of two slices.

blythe - those pizzas are too pricey. i figure, they all taste the same within a few degrees of each other. sure, tony's is at the bottom of the spectrum, but i eat so fast that it hardly matters what it tastes like.

sad but true.

liz, we still eat your commemorative treat around our house.

and it is very sad that you don't eat cereal. i can't imagine a life without it.

ryan - i do remember that your grocery shopping bill was always a little over the top.

Blythe said...

See, not buying crap like Tony's Pizza is an excellent start toward weight loss. Why, you ask? As I've become older, I'm just plain picky about what I eat. Yeah, I know I was a picky kid too, but now I am picky in a different way. If I am going to eat something high in calories, I make sure it's worth it in taste. For example:

Ben and Jerry's = worth it.
Big bucket o' off-brand vanilla = not worth it.

Pizza from a pizza place I like=worth it.

Tony's=not worth it.

Tootsie rolls=why not just eat a candle?

It's probably weird, but it works for me.

david said...

mmm, yankee candle factory.

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