the five worst movies we've seen in the movie theatre

With Oscar-fever on everyone's mind, Ashley and I reflected on the worst movies we've seen in the movie theater. We love going to the movies... and just as a good movie can be enhanced by the theater experience, the inverse is true for bad movies - the theater can turn a movie into a root canal.

Thank You for Smoking
Guilty Party: Toss-up, we went to this as a part of a friend outing

Reasoning: You know how it's annoying to be around someone trying really hard to be cool. This was 96 minutes of that. Combination of being embarrassed for everyone in the movie, and wanting to get out of there as fast as I can.

Superman Returns
Guilty Party: Family Outing

Reasoning: It's sad to see Kevin Spacey's career become an never ending black whole/vortex. Here was another notch on that cosmic belt. That, and the Superman/savior thing was so over the top I felt like I was blaspheming just being in the audience.

P.S. I Love You
Guilty Party: Me

Reasoning: Hey married people. Want a way to posthumously communicate your love to your spouse? Get a fat life insurance policy and take care of them. OR... you could lead them on a wild goose chase of surreptitious notes and "signs." Not only does it preclude your spouse from ever getting recovering from your loss, but it allows them to fantasize about you actually being alive. Oh, and a one night stand with your spouse's best friend who looks exactly like you, that is really healthy too.

Guilty Party: Both of us

Reasoning: We had some time to kill before a wedding reception. Man, was this a great "warmer upper" for a celebration on marriage. For the life of me I wish I could find the SNL skit titled, "the other OTHER boleyn girl" cause that was comedy gold. Big names, yucky movie.

27 Dresses
Guilty Party: Ashley

Reasoning: 27 dresses? More like, 27 messes! Oh - poor beautiful quirky girl, always the bridesmaid, never the bride. I feel sorry for her! When will SHE ever be the lucky girl at the altar!?!?!?! Sigh.

So there you have it folks - I think some of this may have been inspired by some bad movies that we rented, so look for that installment. That may be followed by, "the top five worst movies we've streamed from netflix."


Johnny said...

No mention of Superman's asthmatic illegitimate love child (aka Superboy)?

Blythe said...

I was going to point out the most obvious omission (Garbage Pail Kids...the MOVIE!) until I realized that it was the worst films you had seen as a couple.

I'm not sure I can think of five, but it's been about 16 years and I still haven't forgotten that Dave thought seeing Hocus Pocus in the theatre was a good idea. I can't remember what I lobbied for, but whatever it was, it was better than Hocus Pocus.

However, I am pretty sure I dragged not only Dave, but also Andrew and Victoria, to Fantastic Four, Rise of the Silver Surfer. I would like to take this opportunity to publicly admit my guilt and apologize.

Honorable Mention: Independence Day. I think that was both of us.

Serena Cherry said...

Ha Ha, that is perfect. I saw most of those and what a let down to pay so much to go the theater and that's what you get.
Last year we got a babysitter and saw the worst movie ever: The Ghost of Girlfriend's Past. It had Jennifer Garner in it and so we thought it might be good. Think again. Matthew McConaughey learns how to be a sleeze ball from his uncle, Michael Douglass. It is a train wreck.

Dawn D. Lion said...

Jason and I had a bonding moment when we were dating of both wanting to walk out of Labyrinth - and we did. I know, goth girls and other geeks love this movie, but we didn't.
Other than that, we see movies in the theater a couple of times a year, so usually we make sure they'll be good. But netflix rentals, that's another story.

david said...

blythe, hocus pocus by far is the worst movie mentioned. for shame dave.

serena - getting a babysitter ups the stakes significantly... its serious business. it makes "dud" movies even more of a bomb. like adding insult to injury.

dawn - i'm actually kind of surprised you don't like labrynth. i like everything except the music. the music/singing is really poor quality.

ashley said...

Hocus Pocus-- absolutely the worst. Thanks, Blythe-- that made me laugh!

kimber said...

So I guess I'm happy to say that I have never seen ANY on your list.