looking my worst

Last week I went to the optometrist to get some new contacts, and to see how my prescription was holding up. I generally like those types of visits: dentist, eye doctors, chiropractors... pretty much anything where I'm going to get some kind of medical-related treatment that isn't a result of me writhing on the floor in pain, or walking around like an 80 year old.

The examination required my pupils to be dilated. I wasn't too alarmed by this... because I thought that having my pupils dilated was something that I could easily overcome by resolve, willpower, or nerve. Much like asthma, shin splints, or allergies (haha... kidding).

Turns out... my ability to constrict my pupils manually wasn't as good as I had hoped, so I had to wear these Stevie Wonder looking glasses I got from the clinic. I thought to myself, "I bet I look like a real piece of work right now... like a blind dude on a bicycle. I'll probably get pulled over."

I then thought - "this is too good of an image not to share." So I snapped a few pictures with my cell phone for your enjoyment.

This one is the worse of the two... by for some reason my phone arbitrarily assigns "sizes" to pictures and the other one is too big to send. What kind of cell phone does that? A cheap one, that's what kind.

So... here's the smaller version. I still look like an idiot.
Bike helmets... aren't that cool I realize. cue aside - In fact, they may represent the nadir of cool. However, I think that in many ways helmets are much like the "one strap/two strap" backpack-sea change that happened during high school.

At one time (middle school, early hight school) it was only acceptable to wear your backpack on one shoulder. To wear it on both shoulders signified you were a loser, and of lower social status. But at one point... junior year perhaps - that all changed. Now, it was cool to wear your backpack on both shoulders and only only losers who were trying to look cool wore their backpack the "old way."

I think the same thing is happening with bike helmets. It's been very uncool for a long time, and now that helmets have become somewhat pervasive and acceptable...wearing a helmet is and being safe is now what's accepted.

Point being, wearing cheap sunglasses with a bike helmet is probably the worst I've looked in a long time. When's the last time you looked really bad?


Liz said...

I look bad all the time. Try running a marathon. At the end, I am the sweatiest, red-faced beast. So sweaty that I'm actually covered in salt. I look half dead. Probably because I actually am half dead.

The worst I've looked lately was actually last weekend. We went to Phoenix to visit friends and I forgot my make-up. Guys don't really understand, but that is kind of a big deal. I kept my sunglasses on like a celeb the whole time.

Disco Mom said...

Ahem, I wish I had a marathon to excuse looking bad! I had an eye exam last week, too, Dave, and I had the pupil drops...but I bring my own sunglasses. I also ordered the funkiest new glasses but that's another story. I look terrible at least twice a week, on days when I don't shower and wear smeared and stained sweats because I'm just doing the Daily Deeds: diapers, dishes, dirty laundry. If I have to leave the apartment on those days I put on a hat which does nothing to improve my look, just hide my cowlicks.

MF said...

I looked bad after Project Runway last night. I was laying down watching it, and apparently my hair has gotten long enough that it looked like Christian's--all plastered up on one side. Courtney laughed at me. A lot. I thought I looked fierce.

Dawn D. Lion said...

Wow, last time I got my eyes dilated it messed me up really bad. I can't imagine riding a bike like that.

david said...

that's what i'm talking about dawn.

Blythe said...

Now, this is going to sound kind of vain (mostly because I am kind of vain), but I had to dig deep. For me, looking bad would be having to go somewhere unexpected wearing work out clothes (I have this somewhat ridiculous Barbie-pink velour sweat suit, and I was embarrassed to be seen at my husband's place of employment wearing it. If memory serves, I had just come from aerobics and had to bring him something he needed).

But I think the last time I truly looked like a complete freak show was when I was in grad school. I had to take the NTE wearing stupid yellow rags in my hair because I was in a play that night and needed my hair to be in ringlets. If memory serves, I also went to a restaurant like that. What made matters worse was that it actually worked TOO well, and it looked like I had snakes on my head when I undid the rags.

david said...

blythe, i thought you alway wore those yellow rags in your hair?


aisy said...

the backpack analogy made me laugh. nice to know that the cultural phenomenon was same in both canada and the usa. oh and dilated pupils? at least you got glasses. last time they did that to me they just sent me off. driving home was horrific. the sun hurt my eyes SO bad.

i always look awful after a workout. i too turn in to the sweatiest, red-faced beast. camping also brings out the beast in me. several days without showers and interrupted sleep. so not hot... but so fun.

Davey said...


I used to read your blog quite regularly, though now I admit, I don't even post to my own anymore.

But when I saw this flash "test", I thought to myself: don't I know somebody who pedals to work?


Dorothy Kieu Le said...

hahahaha. hilarious. i'm getting contacts soon, but i hope not the stevie wonder glasses.

D. Manning said...

haha, the backpack analogy is spot on. i still remember those days, and still wonder if i should be using both straps or not. usually back pain reminds me to put both straps over my shoulders.