6.08.2009

the mark of a professional

Last week Ashley was approached by Aaron the Handyman. As Ashley returned from some errands, Aaron the handyman had the perception, nerve, or naivete to ask if Ashley needed anything done around the house, "wanted to go out," or "wanted a boyfriend."

Quite the sales pitch Aaron! If at first you don't succeed at marketing your vocational skills, why not up the ante and hit her between the eyes with a romantic proposition.

There are several things I'd like to analyze here:

1. The card
Aaron - lets be realistic. Who'd trust a professional with such shoddy attention to detail. Your business card was made on a 3x5 card, hand written. For pete's sake, you might as well walk around with a sandwich board, you'd probably get as many return calls.


2. The Offer
A boyfriend, a date? Whoah??? Slow down Romeo. Who launches in on their first sentence with an offer to be a boyfriend? What exactly about Ashley communicated that she was on the prowl? I know the women you normally "pick up" probably go ga-ga for your minimalist approach, but lets be real.

3. The Offer, pt. 2
Who needs a handy man 24/7? Plumber - maybe odd hours. Doctor - definitely. Handyman - "Aaron - get over here immediately, yes I know it's 3 in the morning on a Sunday, but I've GOT to have my track lighting installed!"

4. The Victim Target
Aaron - did you really think Ashley was in your league. You were listening to House of Pain in your car stereo. Earth to Aaron, the last time that song was cool you were wearing hoodless sweatshirts and reebok pumps. Oh, you still wear those? Uhh... nevermind.

Aaron, we all make mistakes. One of your mistakes was giving your card to my wife. Now I get to publish your phone number online (free advertising!) and encourage friends and strangers alike to call you with fake offers of employment - at odd and irrationally inconvenient times of day.

See ya around sport!

8 comments:

Johnny said...

You got to respect the way he write's his letter 'a'. You just don't see calligraphy like that today. I'll have to give Aaron a ring, and see if he can make a house call in Boston. Emily might be his type if he is OK with all the kids and stuff.

david said...

yeah, i noticed the "A" too russ. that definitely shows a little flare.

maybe he would make a good boyfriend?

Dawn D. Lion said...

Poor Aaron. I *almost* feel bad for the guy dumb enough to hit on a bloggers wife!
He could have scoped out the situation and seen she isn't single... but who has time for all that.

david said...

not a handy man who makes house calls 24/7!

i mean come on, she's carrying a baby for pete's sake.

back in my single days, i remember looking for signs of being single. wedding rings, BABIES... these are all kind of indicators that you might look elsewhere.

ashley said...

Dawn, I have the same feeling. I feel guilty that the poor guy is being ridiculed publicly... Maybe he simply saw a tired looking mom who needed a pick me up and was just trying to make me feel good or something. I had a feeling I shouldn't have left his number on the fridge!

Blythe said...

I had a friend who got hit on AFTER she mentioned she had four children. Not that you can't have four children and be single, but it was still a little weird.

Dawn D. Lion said...

Me walking with baby Maxine, some guys yells out at us, "Does your baby need a daddy? Does your baby need a daddy? I'm available! I'll work every day!"
Funny part is I WAS single at the time, though when I told Jason that story he sure didn't like it.

david said...

Dawn that story is awesome.
Ashley. You are being way too nice to this guy. I'm sure he wanted to pick you up. Pick you up... Take you out for a fine dinner and treat you like a perfect lady. You missed your one true chance at happiness.."24/7"

Guess you'll have to settle for me ; )